i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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