Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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