Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
