He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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