I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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