No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
