i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
