Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
