she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
