Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
