smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
40s are totally the cure
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
