If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
