I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
