went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
