Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
