Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
