I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
