We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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