Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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