guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need water and some morals
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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