DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's like iHOP with fire
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How does one acquire holy water?
When are your genitals available?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
