ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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