A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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