OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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