my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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