True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
