i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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