New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
