watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My vagina is officially offended.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
