Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
