At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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