Just cropdusted the office
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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