some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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