no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
