We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
