why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
