her vagine was all disorganized.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
