I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
