i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
