what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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