Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
