I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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