lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
