There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
