I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
