had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
