Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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