I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
