no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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