i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
