Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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