i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
