why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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